Forgotten?

You hear all the time about mid-life crises. I wonder if I am having one…if I’ve been having one for years…  How do you know if you are in mid-life…or in crisis for that matter? Maybe I am just having a regular type crisis. What I know is that for years I have been playing this role in life that has moved so far from who I feel that I am, that I am unsure how to find my way back. Or maybe back isn’t the direction I mean to head. Maybe it’s more about collecting the little bits I’ve learned about myself in my life and forging something entirely new.

I can’t say that I’ve been living a lie. I never had a career, just great jobs that supported my life. I don’t have close friends, or a significant other. I have two wonderful daughters who are learning to make their way in life. I look at them and their struggles to find themselves…to do something meaningful with their lives and I wonder that I am going through that same experience. Maybe that is just a Universal truth for each of us…a lifetime spent searching for purpose and meaning. I don’t really believe that though.

Here’s what I think. I think that most of us go through life on autopilot. We take the ‘truths’ we know for granted and rarely, if ever, question them. They are simply The Truth. Somewhere in my life I learned to ask those questions. Why is this the truth? What if this isn’t the truth? It has created a great deal of chaos in my life. I have lost quite a few friends over it. What I am coming to is that we simply can never know that anything is, or is not the truth…and so we decide what we want to believe and we simply have faith.

In sifting through my life in parallel with my daughters, I am learning that it’s just not worth worrying about. Pick what you choose to believe, step back, and enjoy it!

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