Looking Back

Statistically I have passed mid-life.

When I was in my thirties, I couldn’t wait to be in my forties. I hoped that by now I would have gained some wisdom. Wisdom is the sort of thing that sneaks up on you I guess. As I watch my daughter’s struggle to define their place in this world, I find myself telling them that the most important thing you can do in this life is LIVE it.

I have not.

There are choices I could have made, and arguably should have made that got passed by. [Yes, I am going to say that I wouldn’t have changed any of my choices. And I’m going to mean it.] I would not have changed a thing. I love my daughters and they are a result of some of the decisions I did make. I may not exactly love where I am in life, but I love WHO I am in life and I am convinced that’s more important. Maybe that means I have gained some wisdom [or are those just opinions? 😀 ].

So here I am, passed statistical mid-life, having gained some opinions about myself and my life that at least make me feel wise, and realizing that I have not lived. I know others in my position who are giving in…or giving up. ‘It’s too late for me to change.’ They are letting fear make their choices for them. They let the messages of scarcity and violence they hear every day sink in and they cling to what they have even if it’s not what they want. At least they have it, right?

Me? I have decided to take my daughters to France next summer. That decision came from the place inside me that longs to embrace life. I want to take my daughters to help them get a bigger view of the world than they have had thus far. I want to show them the beauty and majesty of another country, another lifestyle. I want them to see that we are a piece of a larger puzzle; a small fish in a large ocean. I want to share that with them, to witness it in their eyes as well as experiencing it myself.

I am not wealthy. Technically we are poor. We will have to cut corners and make sacrifices. We are giving up things for experiences. We will gain so many riches.

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