close your eyes and feel. heart aching, stomach churning, gut screaming. this is not your path.
a new leaf appears vultures spreading their wings in the sun tiny lizards flee giant feet poignant twinge of an old wound never quite healed sun on your face in winter's chill breath awareness into each miracle
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.
Some truths we know but struggle against. The good Doctor was right. We need to smile because that wonderful thing happened, but instead, most of us, end up crying because it’s over. We do our best to keep it alive even as we feel it slipping through our fingers. We are so attached to feeling good that we just can’t bear to let it go.
I am working now on appreciating, valuing, and loving, while not being attached to any particular outcome. I do not have the words to express how difficult this really is! Yet as I have been going down this path, I have found that it is beginning to work. I have become more authentic to myself and my life has begun to make some nearly miraculous changes.
My daughter decided what she wants to do when she grows up [she’s a young adult]. I have always believed that family should come first and so I would do whatever it took in order to make her dreams come true. In this case, it would entail a cross country move. At first I was filled with fear and doubt. By American standards we are living just above poverty. We can afford what we need [which makes us incredibly blessed], and some things we want. In order to move us I would need enough money to move and a steady income at the other end. I told the Universe I wanted this to happen and I had no earthly idea how. In a timely fashion, the Universe supplied me with the opportunity to work 100% remotely! I went to a eBuyer and sold the house for enough to pay off the debt! I should have enough money for the move as well. I even love my new job more than my previous job! I am in the middle of this journey still, but because I was not attached to how we managed it all, only that we managed it all, I have been amazed at the journey and how things have just happened as if by magic! Not only that but since it hasn’t been because of my planning, I am able to really appreciate and value the miracle rather than being stressed and trying to force it all to work out.
All that said, it is a process. I have bad moments, and days, and sometimes weeks, as I struggle with my desire to control things [which I cannot do anyway!!!]. I tell myself it’s okay to try and fail as long as you get back up and try again.
curled into myself surely i am safe this way so very alone
sky growing darker
as the sun goes to his rest
and i think of you
you gaze with green eyes opening your mouth you yawn meowing your demand
i open my heart please do come inside my friend all are welcome here
on the cusp of change see the wind rippling grass stand in the moment
trees covered in white
teasing and tempting the sun
come and play with me
welcome to the spring
vibrant colors everywhere
inviting you out
waking from slumber
trees abounding with blossoms
so the seasons pass
wish upon a star
harmony for each of us
all of us are one