i see a glimmer
in the back recesses of my mind,
but when i turn to focus
it fades. we play this game
until i realize that it is
nearly gone. i grieve until
i sit, quietly, focus on my
breath, and am present as
it comes to greet me and
hold me close.
as i sit quietly,
alone as i rarely am,
emotions bubble to the surface
like ripples on a pond
or the froth on a cappuccino.
hurt, frustration, sadness,
loneliness, calm, and a
bubble of joy, just for
Today’s meditation was wonderful. I entered a place where the general distractions of life, the background noises, the cats, the talking, none of it penetrated to the place where I was safely drifting with myself.
Sadly, I cannot report to you that I did anything differently today than I did yesterday, or the day before, but today it worked.
I don’t know whether it was this meditation, or meditation in general, but I did also manage to deal with a difficult emotional situation without breaking down or feeling utterly crushed.
Let’s see where this journey leads.
I was a hot mess in meditation today. It was about forgiveness and my mind was in a million places. At the moment, I don’t have anyone or anything I need to forgive per se, but I was also not very present. I was even aware of it a few times during the meditation but just couldn’t break free from my roaming mind.
That’s okay though. It gives me the chance to practice self-compassion.
Today’s mantra was “Om Shanti Om.” It was given the translation
“I radiate peace.” I particularly appreciated this mantra. When the mantra was first expressed I did not know it’s meaning, and yet I did find it peaceful when I heard it. This was approximately a ten minute meditation. It is important to note that I was not in a quiet place while I listened to this meditation. There was a great deal of chatter going on around me. Despite that, I still found peace during my meditation. Ten minutes well spent.
During today’s meditation I was to contemplate my body in order to become aware of the feelings, emotions, and the sensations that creates. I promise that I was engaged the entire time, and that I did not fall asleep. I was sitting cross-legged and I did not have to jerk to catch myself like I have had to when I fell asleep. And yet, I entered this place with no thought and was shocked when the chime rang to end the meditation. The time just disappeared. I felt calm, recharged [like from a good power nap], and peaceful. I love when meditation feels this way.
This morning I tasted two separate kinds of meditation.
The first kind was mantra meditation. In this form of meditation, there is generally an introductory thought expressed by the facilitator, followed by a mantra to be repeated as a focus. I appreciate this form of meditation for its simplicity. I find that it is much more difficult for my mind to wander during this meditation. In large part I believe this has to do with my unfamiliarity with the language. When I have attempted to use English as a form of mantra, I do not have to focus on it as much and my mind wanders off.
The second kind was a meditation on being present and non-reactive. In this meditation we were asked to consider, from the safe place of meditation, a situation where we reacted to a person or event. We were to examine the feelings associated with that reaction in order to learn to recognize those feelings as they arise, and thus develop a plan to accept and move through those feelings when they arise. I do not get the same calm feeling of centeredness from this meditation but I think that is, at least in part, the point. I do appreciate this form of meditation as well, though it is more work.